i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
