I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
He kissed a someone with a penis
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
