he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
