i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
