Need sex. Gaining weight.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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