she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
