is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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