go do what you do best...puke behind churches
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
