so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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