Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
