yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
