What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
