HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
