eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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