That's intense
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
