Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
