I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
