Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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