someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
