So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You took a bar mat shot.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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