When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
