Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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