drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Randomize
