someone get that fucking seahorse.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
