Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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