I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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