I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
