I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
