I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
