May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Sorry about my life...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
