I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Randomize
