Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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