Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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