You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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