we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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