a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
even my farts smell like vagina
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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