Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
