mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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