I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Randomize
