can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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