she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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