Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
