Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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