The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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