rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
