I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
