Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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