My friends, they love my intelligence
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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