I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
