Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
