we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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