my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
