i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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